S&T Chapter 5: I aint no Grump :(

Yeah, sure, I may come across as quiet, but I'm no grump. It takes me a while to get comfortable enough with people to open up. I have such a big wall built up, sometimes it's hard to let people in. Sometimes, in fact, people get to know a side of me that isn't the person that I really am. In fact, other than family, and a few friends, not many people know the true "me". I kind of tend to conform to what other people want me to be (most of the time), because of my need for acceptance. In the end, I guess it's not really acceptance at all, since they are acquainted with only a portion of me.

A lot of the time, I guess I come across as kind of a grumpy, introvert, kind of person, but that's not really me. Throughout my life the only 'moral' support I've really gotten has been from my family. Throughout my life I befriended very competitive, ignorant, and for the most part, not very nice people. Throughout most of middle school, and all of high school, I was kind of the 'Punching bag' of my group of friends. I was never very good at standing up for my self, so I guess I just let a lot of people come to me when they were having bad days, or just weren't in a very good mood. Now, I don't mean come to talk to me if they were having a sucky day, I mean I let them come and be complete a-holes to me when they were mad or frustrated. Now, I was aware of this, and for the most part that is why I let it happen, I didn't mind it. But I guess after years of stuff like this happening it kind of crushed my confidence. It kind of gave me the mind set of not being good enough, for anything. So yeah, I tend to be the 'quiet one', letting other people voice their opinions, keeping mine to myself because I'm unsure of whether my answer will be adequate. I'm very meticulous in the way I think, I have to think of everything before I say it, and If I don't think that it is a good enough answer, I just scrap it and keep my mouth shut.

But yeah, I became very introverted. I would see my house as a sanctuary, and that no matter how bad my day had been, I could go there and be completely at ease. Being so introverted and quiet also stopped me from socializing as much as I would have liked to. During high school I went to very few parties, because I was never quite sure how to approach people. Now, just as a side note, not saying that this is a good thing; but when I do drink, it kind of lets me be myself because It breaks down all of the barriers I have built up, and let me be more confident. So yeah, I'm not really a grumpy person, even if it seems like I am, I'm never really in a 'bad' mood. So it may seem hard to approach me sometimes, but I promise, I'm not as mean as a look.

lol, and just as a cheesy analogy that I just thought of...

It's like when we were at TerraCentric and were at the climbing wall...

I do a good job at supporting people, even if they are stepping all over me.